Tuesday, May 16, 2017

#SOL17: Waxing Crescent Moon

Crescent (M.A. Reilly, Rockport, Maine, November, 2012)
I.

Earlier last week, I removed the ring that Rob had placed on my finger all those decades ago. It was done with far less ceremony than when we first married. I removed it without hesitation. Sometimes you just know when it is right. And I knew without question that Rob was gone forever.

There's death, it's aftermath, and then there are those singular events that profoundly show what has been known, yet not truly felt.

My husband is dead. I am not.
Life pulses on.

II.

The months between Rob's death and now, have revealed a new understanding of what it means to be a parent. No longer can I turn my body into Rob's and seek answers through touch. No longer can I pass parenting to Rob, knowing he will care for Dev. Now, the joys and challenges of being the only parent are all mine.

Some days it's lonely here without Rob--other days, less so.


III.

After a week, an imprint of my wedding band remains. For years I have been wearing that slender bend of a waxing crescent moon wrapped tightly around my finger.

Now, that young moon is gone and only the pale glow remains. 

11 comments:

  1. And even when you cannot see it, you will feel that moon, I think. One part of my wedding ring broke during the final year of Arvie's life, and since then I still miss putting rings on my left hand. Someday I hope to create a necklace from it, but have not done it yet. Some things change quickly; others, less so. I liked reading your words, Mary Ann, a journey on.

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    1. I am sorry your wedding band broke. That must have been hard. I can appreciate how you still miss putting your ring on your left finger. Mine feels so odd.

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  2. I can not imagine what you have gone through. It sounds as though you are finding strength in those little things and adjusting to your "new normal."

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    1. I am finding strength especially through writing and making art. Thank you Noel.

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  3. Mary Ann, This post makes me cry. Maybe, knowing that it was time made it a tad easier....that a degree of peace will come with that acceptance? I too have come to realize that I am not my husband.....I am no substitute for him-the adventurist, the extrovert.....the fun one. Hugs to you Mary Ann. Big hugs from Maine....where it is sunny and dry for the first time in weeks. Big blessings.

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    1. Feeling those hugs all the way here in NJ. Thank you Barbara.

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  4. You write with such beauty and grace, even when it's about the tough stuff.

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    1. It's all tough, Tara. Thank you for your kind and encouraging comments. I just came from a writer's group I have joined. Feel encouraged.

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  5. After my dad died, my mom took her wedding ring and my dad's and had them shaped into a charm of two hearts joined together. She wears it on a simple chain around her neck. Even as she has moved out of the brightness of the young moon, the pale glow is always with her.

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    1. I wear Rob's ring around on a chain and will add mine. I like what your mom did.

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  6. Mary Ann, I am impressed by your ability to state the obvious. Your journey has carried you far and your strength is seen in your writing. May this week move you on. Peace to you.

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